The Dutch site for all your questions about sex
nl en

When it’s the first time

When it’s the first time

What do you actually do the first time you have sex? That could be all kinds of things! Read these tips for inspiration.

Sex goes like this

There are lots of ways of having sex. Try them out and discover what's good for you. Have a look at sex techniques.

Make sure you’re aroused

Take your time with sex. Start by kissing, touching each other, saying nice things to each other. That's how to build up the excitement and get you both turned on. If you're a girl, don't have penetrative sex until you’re well lubricated.

Use condom and pill

  • Heterosexual? Use the pill and a condom when you have sex. That's how to avoid pregnancy and STIs. More about condoms and the pill.
  • Gay? If you want to have anal sex, use a condom and plenty of lubricant.

More about safe sex.

Tips for the first time

  • Choose a good place where you won't be interrupted. Create a nice atmosphere, perhaps with music and candles.
  • Talk to each other about what you do and don't want to try. That is often quite exciting.
  • Don't let yourself be talked into it. There's only 1 person who can decide if you’re ready for sex: that’s you.
  • Be clear. If you say ‘No’ and carry on kissing and caressing, your partner won't know what you really want.
  • Ask your partner if they’re enjoying it. Is he or she nervous? Say nice things. Is your partner insecure? Give compliments.
  • If you notice that your partner doesn't want to go any further, respect that. You can have a great time making love without penetrative sex.
  • Don't pretend to have an orgasm. Having an orgasm is not compulsory.
  • It’s okay to laugh. You'll probably both be a bit nervous the first time. No wonder - you want everything to be perfect. Try to keep it light-hearted. Humour and sex go great together! 

It shouldn't hurt

If you're fully aroused, sex won’t hurt. A man is aroused when his penis is fully erect, and a woman when her vagina is lubricated and has opened enough. Normally you get aroused if you are in the mood for sex with this person, when you build it up slowly, and when you both like what you're doing. Having pain is not generally connected to the hymen. 

Sex is not a competition

Are you afraid you won’t do it right? Don't worry. Sex is not an exam you pass or fail. After a while, you might not get turned on any more, not have orgasms, or even have orgasms before having sex. Nothing wrong with that. The important thing is not what actually happens between the sheets, but that you're both enjoying it.

This is how to make it great

  • Ask your partner what he or she likes. Then you know what you can do, and your partner will think you're a fantastic lover.
  • Taking turns, pamper your partner and let them pamper you. One minute you're the active one, the next minute you're the passive one.
  • There's more to a woman’s body than breasts and a vagina. There's more to a man’s body than a penis. Discover the whole body!
  • Men often get aroused quicker than women do, so let your girlfriend take her time. Don't try to have penetrative sex before she's fully aroused. Coax her gradually, using your hands and your mouth.
  • Women sometimes get turned on by different things than men. Think of nice music, candles and most importantly: no distractions!

And, how did it go?

Have you just kissed, caressed or had sex with someone for the first time? Hopefully you both enjoyed it! Sometimes the first time is disappointing, for you and your partner. No need to feel ashamed. Think about why that was, and talk to each other about it. That's how to get to know each other, and to keep on making it better.

Problems with sex?

Problems with sex?

You can't get an erection or you had pain?

Read all about sexual problems